I always had a feeling that I was different or something was wrong with me. The fact that there are aisles and aisles of self help books didn’t help this feeling. Add to that a trait of being a problem solver, I naturally gravitated or was lured to the land of “self-help.” I have learned how to set boundaries, “face the fear and do it anyway” and find my perfect north. There seemed to be a new person telling me how to do something - or what I SHOULD be doing - everyday. How to be more productive, how to make better decisions, how to be the “true you.” All they had to do was mention a topic and I could quickly agree - yep - that’s me. I am probably not being productive as I could be, or maybe I am not making decisions as I should be, or oh my gosh, I am hiding the true me….” Sometimes I would read these and no doubt glean a nugget or two of practical useful practices, but oftentimes, they made me feel “less.” By “less,” I mean, “geez, another person who has it together while me on the other hand, obviously…. Does…. Not.
I am so happy that we do live in an era where people are able to share true issues that impact quality of life - anxiety, depression, grief, bullying, harassment. I feel very blessed as I look back and can see so many times when God put someone or something in my life that helped me grow and learn more about myself. Most importantly, learn that I am not abnormal. I am just a person who didn’t have an avenue to share what was going on in my little brain. We are fortunate to have so many avenues to explore the things that trouble us, or make us feel different, or “less.”
It’s a fine line isn’t it? Knowing when to explore something to see if there is a change you can, should or need to make in your life - and - just living your life as the best you that you can be.
Here are a few useful things I have picked up on my journey over the years…..
And these learnings all seem to converge on a decision.
Deciding if I will actually DO something or if will find a way to justify perpetuating a habit because it is a source of validation of some sort? The “poor me” game or the “if I do that others will think (fill in the blank). The fact that only you as a person can make the decision on how you are going to act ot do can be a bit scary. But it is also an opportunity. In one of the may podcasts I listen to a podcast with Julian Mather he made a statement that has stuck with me. I may not have this quoted exactly right, but it was along the lines of the fact that we hold the keys to our own prison cells and do not even realize it.
Do I occasionally pull a book off the shelf or listen to podcasts that make me think about things differently? You bet. But now I find I am more easily able to cull what might truly be impactful for me right now and make purposeful decisions on why I will or will not do something instead of getting swept up in a frenzy of “I’m not enough.”
Why? Because I am enough :-)
If you are interested in listening to the podcast I refer to click here
Michelle is the owner of a curious mind, she is loving life's journey and takes every opportunity to learn about how people can create the space they need to live life to the fullest.
The Gift of Breathing